The Left-Brained Mistress and why all that is bullshit

When you google all the “rules of being a mistress” and read enough of the search results, you think you’re a well equipped expert to serve the role. What you don’t foresee is how disagreeable the Right Brain can be towards all your efforts to intellectualize your little adventure.

You see, one of the things I thought I’d do in my spare time was hook up with a married man at the office. What could go wrong right? I’d give the man my itinerary for the week and he’d fit me in his calendar. Easy as pie. Rule No 1: Keep it all transactional. Tick.

Maybe things got a bit complicated at work. Not for the guy, apparently. He just seems to walk through every day since we started our thing like it’s just another day at the office. Well, to be fair, everyday actually IS just another day at the office. For both of us. So chin up, girl. Rule No 2: Don’t get in the way. True. It’s just another day at the office. Tick.

One day I suddenly recalled I had an unused gift voucher for a weekend getaway at a mountain resort with your SO. I thought with a long weekend coming up in the about 3 months, and I book it in early enough, we could go for a change of scenery — something different from the overnight “accommodations” that had so far marked our “dates”. Rule No. 3: Don’t think too far ahead. What was I thinking? Of course long weekends are no go zones for family men. Guy politely declined. Lesson learned. Tick.

There’s other rules but you can see just with the three alone, it just gets too hard. Not the rules, the Right Brain. The Right Brain just doesn’t wanna play by The Rules. And so the hard part is the inner battle between my Left Rain and Right Brain. And when your brain is locked in battle most of your waking hours (and those hours when you ought to be sleeping) guess what, I find myself craving a chocolate danish more often. Ouch — both on the pocket and on the weighing scale!

Too hard. Walk away.

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